Poems in My Knapsack
This was my first go at publishing back in 1983 and I was still in the army, in The Queen’s Royal Irish Hussars, so I used ‘Cpl. C F Green’ as my name and dedicated the little booklet to the Regiment.
The ISBN was 0 86303-093-9 and it was a short print of 500 by Maslands Ltd., Tiverton, Devon; the publisher was Stockwells who was just starting out in the Vanity Publishing Market.
This booklet will be going into ‘The Autist’ ‘under Section’ to be exact the statement was ‘ to be detained under Section 2 of the Mental Health Act.’
I have pondered many times whether or not to republish this booklet but have never had the right circumstances to do so.
For me I can see the huge fissures in my mind and reasoning as I slowly slid down into a complete nervous breakdown in 1986, thereafter spending two years on a lock-up ward, a year of live-in psychotherapy and three years at a half-way house.
It was here that the label of schizophrenia was slung round my neck and the start of being on anti-psychotic medication from 1986 to 2003 – 17 years with the wrong diagnosis, I’m still not sure whether or not some of the stuff that I have is due to the autism or damage from the drugs.
Also, it was here that I had 18 sessions of ECT, which smashed my short-term memory and it is still very bad – I avoid the telephone because I cannot take in what people are saying to me.
The Poems, in the order that they are in, in the booklet:
Page 03: Frustration
Page 04: I The Soldier & I The Man
Page 06: Questions
Page 08: From My Window
Page 09: Here & Now
Page 10: In-Night
Page 12: A Sonnet – Christ
Page 13: The Intense Sense
Page 15: Life
Page 16: Glimpses of Tidworth in Farewell
Page 19: Gun
Page 20: On Guard 001
Page 21: Helicopter Night Landing
Page 22: The Spoken Heart
Page 23: On Guard 002
Page 24: The Caretaker at The British Inner German Border (IGB) Hut at Walkenried, Bad Sachsa