Barred

I walked into the pub. They said, “You’re barred.” I said, “That’s right, I’m here for the poetry. The Bard of Ilford’s What they call me. I’ve come for Your Open Mic And written a poem I think you’ll like.” So then I put My poem about. That’s when the Landlord Kicked...

The Business Meeting

They’re milling around in the foyer All taking their comfort break The coffee’s being served from vacuum jugs With slices of poppy-seed cake. They’ve the annual pay rates to set Their order-book forecast is poor The Union’s asking for eight percent Their aim is to...

Lost Loves

Valentine Valentine where are you now You left me without a goodbye Why did you leave me to wonder and fret Just giving out sigh after sigh Yes I still miss you oh sweet Valentine Your beauty and long flowing locks But if I am honest the things I miss most Are my...

Toothless Eustace The Useless Ghost

Toothless Eustace the toothless ghost Was very vain and prone to boast His mournful moan throughout the night Was meant to give us all a fright Poor toothless Eustace could not see His victims laughing merrily His moans and clanking on the stairs Never did raise...

BUSINESS AS USUAL

I wish I owned a pie shop, I’d fill it full of meat Big pies, small pies, pies you’d think were neat Chicken, ham and mushroom, beef and peas in stew Golden crisp and savoury, pies for me and you Lots of sticky gravy, great dollops of mash Mixing in the chunks with...