A man walked into a saloon at eight o’clock one friday night Went up to the bar and ordered three pints of beer The landlord said “It’s unusual to order three pints of beer for yourself” The man replied “Two are for my brothers who are not here” When the…
Ron Martin
10th May 2015


Three cats decided to swim the English Channel Setting off from Calais and hoping to land at Beachy Head But I have a sad story to tell you For I must report that all the cats ore now dead They had entered the water at Calais They were numbered one,…
Ron Martin
18th February 2015

‘Christmas Selection’ (gone wrong)

Dateline: Weekend prior to Christmas 1971 Place: Royal Engineers Regiment – ‘Assaye Barracks’ Nienburg - West Germany I had occasion between “Rufty Tufty” assignments overseas, to rest my weary bones (upon my Army issue steel framed bed). This was one such time, when normally as a rule I would be…
Richard Gildea
26th December 2014


Riding my snorting white charger (It’s a push-bike you silly old fool) I wave at excited admirers (Well, two kids on their way back to school) I scan the distant horizon (Admit it you need some new specs.) Looking for damsels to rescue (It’s you who is deep in distress)…
Don Holmes
17th July 2014


I walked into the pub. They said, “You’re barred.” I said, “That’s right, I’m here for the poetry. The Bard of Ilford’s What they call me. I’ve come for Your Open Mic And written a poem I think you’ll like.” So then I put My poem about. That’s when the…
Andrew Diamond
5th December 2012

The Business Meeting

They’re milling around in the foyer All taking their comfort break The coffee’s being served from vacuum jugs With slices of poppy-seed cake. They’ve the annual pay rates to set Their order-book forecast is poor The Union’s asking for eight percent Their aim is to give under four. They’ve Belgian…
Paddy Slevin
10th May 2012

Lost Loves

Valentine Valentine where are you now You left me without a goodbye Why did you leave me to wonder and fret Just giving out sigh after sigh Yes I still miss you oh sweet Valentine Your beauty and long flowing locks But if I am honest the things I miss…
Don Holmes
13th February 2012

Toothless Eustace The Useless Ghost

Toothless Eustace the toothless ghost Was very vain and prone to boast His mournful moan throughout the night Was meant to give us all a fright Poor toothless Eustace could not see His victims laughing merrily His moans and clanking on the stairs Never did raise peoples’ hairs His funny…
Don Holmes
25th November 2011


I wish I owned a pie shop, I’d fill it full of meat Big pies, small pies, pies you’d think were neat Chicken, ham and mushroom, beef and peas in stew Golden crisp and savoury, pies for me and you Lots of sticky gravy, great dollops of mash Mixing in…
Dan Fry
20th November 2011