I envy all those Astronauts
No traffic jams up there
A highway through the Heavens
Of motors it is bare

No traffic cones to bar the way
No roadwork’s in the sky
No roundabouts to slow us down
No parking ticket guy

Speed limits, they just don’t exist
Yellow lines, there’s none
From space walks, you can safe return
Not find your motor gone

Accidents are rarely seen
No traffic lights to jump
No points upon your license
No dreaded high, ‘ speed humps ‘

Of course, they have their problems
They’re Human just like us
Like Spacecraft running out of fuel
‘can’t come home on the bus

No Burger Kings or KFC’s
To feed them on their way
No ‘Travelodge’ upon the Moon
To bed down on their stay

They have to dodge the Meteorites
Space debris all a clutter
And eating all that ‘Milky Way’
Will make their stomachs flutter

I can’t imagine what it’s like
Crammed tight inside those ships
And come the ‘Aztec-two-steps’
Your partner gets ‘The Squits’

At least down here you have a choice
To open up the door
But up there in ‘The Shuttle’
They’re gagging on the floor

So down on Earth I think I’ll stay
The roads my saving grace
I never will complain again
When there’s ‘No Parking space’

And when I watch the Shuttle
Take off into the Sky
I’ll think of spacemen with the Squits
And the other poor Guy

Trapped inside that tiny craft
No windows he can open
Clothes peg stuck upon his nose
For fresh air he is groping

So keep your job you Astronauts
I’m happy with my ravings
If someone ‘Trumps’ inside my car
I’ll throw them on the pavements