I once had a mouse and a frog as a pet
But they wouldn’t do tricks, so I spoke to the vet.
He said, “Mice won’t do tricks, and nor will a frog.
What you want, Poppy lass, is a cute little dog.”
So I thought for a mo’, and I asked him right there,
“Is there maybe a chance that you’ve got one to spare?”
“Just happens I have.” He replied with a snigger,
“But he’s fat as a pig, and keeps getting bigger.”
Then I said to my Dad, “I’d like a dog for a pet!”
He said, “Dogs are expensive. I can’t get one yet.
Perhaps when you’re older, if we see one for sale,
I could buy you a mongrel, with a waggely tail.”
Next I rang Aunty Lucy, and asked what to do.
She said, “Don’t have a dog. You must pick up their poo!
And I hear there are times when owners get bitten.
So take my advice, get a sweet little kitten.”
My Granddad was next that I asked for advice.
And he dreamt up this plan in a wink, and a trice.
“We’ll walk around town, drag behind us a bone,
And p’raps a cute little puppy will follow us home.”
Then Grandma piped up, saying, “Don’t be so silly.
You can’t pinch a dog from the street willy-nilly.”
And I had to agree, it would be quite risky.
Granddad just smiled, and drank some of his whisky.
Now my Mum, who does all sorts of nice things for me,
Took me round to a neighbour, one day before tea.
And there, in a box on the living room floor,
Was a proud mummy dog with puppies galore.
There were some that were fat. There were some that were thin.
There was one that was making a terrible din.
There was one all curled up in a cute little ball,
And she was the sweetest and neatest of all.
Now I love my sweet puppy. And she can do tricks!
And I feed her on milk, and crushed Weetabix.
And she never does puddles, or poos in the house.
And I love her much more, than a frog, or a mouse.